


The Sword in the Stone

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Category: Discworld - Pratchett
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-09
Updated: 2003-12-09
Packaged: 2017-10-05 19:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Very nearly Carrot/Detritus. I gritted my teeth and I tried, and I just couldn't write it in its truest form, but I've done my level best (Gods know why). One of a couple of dozen pairings thought of on the Men at Arms rehearsal camp, the title is courtesy of Danny, and thus I felt obliged to write something, although not quite the activity suggested by the title.</p><p>Dedicated to the Subject to Change Theatre Company.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sword in the Stone

**Author's Note:**

> Discworld characters belong to Terry Pratchett. It's not MY fault.

Proceeding was something of a precise business, when you got right down to it; the swing of the leg, the arms not just dangling by the sides, but moving in time, and of course being in step, were you travelling in a pair or a group.

It was the week after the full moon, and Angua was waiting for the shift to be over, in that looking-at-the-watch-every-five-minutes kind of way. It wasn't that she was particularly bored, it was just that she'd been paired with Detritus, and as Detritus could only hold intelligent conversations with his head in a block of ice, he wasn't much company. And was impossible to remain in step with.

The night had been fairly quiet, in any case. Foul Ole Ron and his cronies had shambled past singing Hogswatch carols, despite that joyous occasion being many months away. Gaspode had happened by and nearly peed on Detritus's leg before realising he wasn't a wall. Aside from that, almost nothing had moved. It was three AM, dead ebb, the time of quiet deaths in hospital beds. Time for them to swing around and start wandering back towards the Yard. Undoubtedly, Carrot would be waiting there, perhaps filing paperwork. It said a lot about Carrot that he ever bothered to file Watch paperwork; the rest of the Watch, Angua herself sometimes shamefully included, allowed it to grow into immense piles on their desks until it seemed that the papers would collapse and flood the Yard, drowning them all under the weight of words.

'Detritus?'

'Muh?' It _was_ rather warm.

'I think we should be heading back.'

They followed the long line of the wall of Unseen University, passing the Librarian, who was pushing a cart filled with bananas. It was, perhaps, best not to ask. He nodded to them with a friendly 'Oook' and went on his way.

A strange hum began as they neared the end of the wall, where they would turn towards the Yard; the air began to crackle with energy, and Angua felt the fine hairs on the nape of her neck begin to rise. She turned towards the university; one of the buildings was outlined in a faint, purplish glow.

'Detritus... can you see that?'

Whatever the troll's eventual response would have been, he didn't get to make it. The glow faded. Angua breathed a sigh of relief... a moment too soon, naturally.

It was like a lightning strike. One onlooker described it as 'ike urhle ire hrom a ky', but that was one of the city's gargoyles. However you described it, it blazed down from the sky and hit the two Watchpersons.

* * *

Angua awoke slowly, her head heavy. She felt dazed, and for a moment thought she'd been moved to her bed -- she could see herself in a mirror.

Then she realised she _couldn't_ see herself in a mirror, because when she sat up the 'mirror' remained motionless.

Angua looked down at her hands. They were grey, thick-fingered, and solid. In short, they weren't her hands.

They were Detritus's hands.

Angua had never really been a woman given to screaming. However, she was prepared to make an exception in this case.

* * *

'Ponder Stibbons is doing his best to reverse the problem. He thinks it might reverse itself, given time.' Carrot looked exactly like someone who knew they were the bearer of bad news to a woman trapped in a troll's body with the instincts of a werewolf. His legs were crossed.

'Given _time_?' Angua paced the bedroom -- it was one of the spare rooms at the Watch House. _Thud, thud, thud._ 'Does Ponder bloody Stibbons have any idea how bad this is?

'You don't have anything against trolls, Angua.'

'I bloody have something against being turned into one!' She paced some more and put a foot through the floorboards. 'Damn!'

'Sit down,' Carrot suggested, gesturing to the bed. 'You're only going to make yourself feel worse.'

'Can't be done.' Angua seated herself sulkily. 'Where's Detritus, anyway?'

'He went back to your lodgings to sleep. I think he's a bit dazed.'

Angua snorted. 'There's the understatement of the century.' It was strange to hear her inflections and tones imposed upon what was still essentially Detritus's voice. 'Carrot, can trolls cry?'

'I've no idea,' Carrot said honestly.

Angua flopped face-down onto the pillow and her shoulders shook. Carrot didn't know what to do -- under ordinary circumstances he would have... no, perhaps he wouldn't.

'Angua?'

She sat back up and looked at him, rolling rock eyes unglazed by tears but by fear. 'Carrot... what if I'm trapped like this forever?'

'You won't be. You can't be.' Carrot reached out and took her hand... it took both of his to cover it. 'Angua, listen to me. They'll find a way to reverse this.' Angua closed her eyes and let out a long, shuddering sigh. 'Angua, I...'

'Don't say it. I know you do, but don't say it.'

Carrot kissed her cold stone cheek. 'I love you,' he said in spite of her protest. It was strange to kiss her on the lips when she was like this, but he did it anyway. 'I don't care what you look like.'

'Of course you do,' Angua said. She still hadn't opened her eyes. 'If I'm trapped like this, it's over, Carrot.'

He was about to kiss her again, to reassure her that he would be there no matter what, when the purple glow built around the two of them.

'Captain Carrot,' Detritus's voice rumbled. 'Had no idea you cared.'

Carrot was polite enough to leave the room before he started screaming.


End file.
